I Am Depression

I have a family.

I have friends.

I have a home.

I have love.

I have support.

I have an education.

I have goals.

I have success.

I have opportunity.

I have good health.

I have life.

I do not want for anything.

I do not suffer from a traumatic past.

I do not have any additional severe mental disorders.

I do not come from a severely broken home and childhood.

My life is amazing. I have everything and then some. I know this. I tell myself this daily. I am smart, strong, capable, and loving.

But some days, in my head, I am so much less than deserving of any of it.  

I am weak.

I am worthless.

I am broken.

I am a failure.

I am a burden.

I am irritating.

I am weird.

I am not enough.

I am alone.

I have spent hours crying, then spent days crying because I cannot stop crying. I have questioned how anyone could love me. I will fall into a deep, dark pit and struggle to pull myself out. I have come to recognize when it is time to call for help. I fear the day I cannot pull myself out or find the strength to ask for help. My medical records document “severe depression with generalized anxiety disorder.”

I am embarrassed.

I am angry at myself.

I am scared.

I am confused.

I am exhausted.

But, today I will not give up.

I will not stop fighting.

I will win.

I will help others who fall into a pit.

I will never give up.